Happy Women's day

The man who calls himself the master of the world…

Once snuggly slept in a woman’s womb,

Born with her urine and poop,

And suckled at her bosom…

So before you lay your lusty hands on one more,

Or set your eyes on an innocent,

Know this…

The hands that gave you birth,

Could have strangled you in her feces!

PS: We don’t need women’s day to celebrate our identity! 

Blame it on Hormones

Remember that old bollywood dialogue that Nirupa Roy harped in every movie, “Mein ne nau mahine tumhe apne kokh mein pala hai…”? And we used to go rolling on the floor as if some poisonous laughing gas had hit us? Well, I am very much of a Nirupa Roy myself now. The only difference is that I have this huge load of hormones cruising through my body that makes me Vijayshanti at one instance and Nirupa at another!

Pregnancy is one of the most interesting experiences that a woman can have in her life. Even those who think that they need to achieve a lot before the Jr. hits them, would change (may be after an initial shock) to the most caring of the mothers. But with this change will also come change in their behavior.

No matter how much your husband or partner says that I understand you, believe me, he can never really get you. First three months of feeling constantly tired, cramps in your abdomen, regularly changing moods and emotions, morning sickness (note: puke till you drop) followed by next three months of bulging tummy, slow gait, but more energy, swelling feet, lesser stamina, more prone to getting affected by any micro organism, constant hunger, regular loo times during night breaking your sleep, and only two sleeping posture – left or right! And finally the last three months where your gait is slower, your body is heavier, stretch marks weave webs across your once smooth belly, your centre of gravity has shifted to your abdomen, for heaven’s sake you definitely can’t sleep in any other posture other than left and right, there is this constant pressure that you feel either in your abdomen or waist, and you are again back to being tired. To top it all you will either be constantly irritated or sad or throwing tantrums. Why? Of course hormones! What else?!

Wait! Before you think – My God! So much suffering?! There is a fun part to this too. And that is your kid! Bugger/ess will start moving by the time you are 7 weeks into pregnancy and you will start noticing it from 14^th week or definitely from 24^th week. The tiny twitch like feel, at first, progressing to push and brush and then aggressive kicks later will only bring smile to your face. It is when the power kicks happen, and your husband gets to feel does he get really excited about the entire affair. Still you are the person that is going to both bear and enjoy this and he is the person who will sympathize without knowing much.

One of the biggest benefits at this time is (especially if this is your first pregnancy), most people won’t expect you to work. You will be taken care off. You will become the centre of attraction. You will be allowed to eat anything unless your doctor has put any restriction. And putting on weight is mostly appreciated. And even your mood swings are okayed because everyone knows about those villainous hormones that are making rounds in your body.

Then this is just the beginning. The family will move off once you have delivered, you get back to your job with one more added responsibility – an Infant that needs 24X7 care, comfort and milk. And guess what, your hormones will still be active and awake, as they have to help you make more milk. So will be your mood swings.

So if anyone tells you – you have changed a lot after pregnancy – just blame it on hormones!

Killer

Beware when you whisper!
Because walls have ears...
They have tongueless mouth,
That can cause despair!

What is the worry?

Say it loud and bold!
Let your soul be free,
Let a smile unfold!

If you huddle in and blabber,
You are asking for trouble.
You are making foe of friends,
And yes, you will make them more.

As whisper is such a poison,
That kills a good mind!
It plants a worm in an angel,
And a devil is born!

In the corners

A spider weaves its web,
while whispers bounce around.
Its dark and dank,

While the corpses rot...

Someone spits,
Someone spews sperm,
A devil reads gospel,
While someone throws up...

A few meek people leave it to fate,
A few turn blind,
A few speak out,
And their soul is burnt..

The left-over

The dawn broke,
The rays crept,
My soul burnt,
With night's shame.

When darkness fell,
And all eyes closed,
I gave into fantasy,
That sent me to hell!

Now, the light's in,
Curtain's drawn,
Show-time over,
All that is left, is-
A broken mirror,
And a ruined make-up!

Crow Poop

A crow shat on my head,
And guess what I get,
A scoop full of its undigested crap,
And unbearable stink,
Which made people think - I am a tramp!
But is it my fault after all?
That the crow shat,
And on my head it had to fall?
Now I stink and they think I am unclean!
It is unfair because that is not me!
But aren't the humans supposed to be so-
Judgmental and mean?
Don't we all raise our fingers at someone,
For no fault of his?
So, a crow shat,
And like an apple, it fell on my head!

A schizophrenic's song

Have you met Mr. Victor Green?
Oh, he is the man you should meet!
Tall, dark and handsome...
And what luscious lips!
No, no... there is nothing feminine about him.
He is ever charming,
And always enticing...
He is a darling that you should see.
They say,
He is a figment of my imagination.
But do you know something?
Green is just another name in Victor's
But I have seen it on their faces.
They are pure jealous,
Because I am the one he chose!
You see that hill in the yonder?
He rides down from there
on his best stallion.
The kind about which you wouldn't have ever heard.
He tip toes into my dreams,
In the night that is silent and dead.
There beneath the open skies,
And shimmering stars,
He makes love to me.
Now, why do you have that look like others?
Oh you too are jealous?
Care should I,
That you don't believe?
Dare would you,
To tell he doesn't exist?
Then why not prove it to your reasoning mind?
Come home tonight...
There you will see Mr. Victor Green,
Oh, he is the man you should meet...

Writer's plea:
There is no one called Victor green.
No one has ever heard him or seen.
It is all in her mind.
There is nothing real!
If you love your life'
Please flee!
She doesn't spare anyone,
Who has gone to her house to meet Green!

Dear little one...

Cry my little baby,
Cry out loud tonight.
You have stomachs to feed…
So cry my little daisy,
For it is your cry that they will heed.
A handful of alms your mama needs,
To buy you a glass of milk,
And a few loaves of bread.
Haven’t you heard yet,
It is the crying baby that is fed.
So cry my little baby,
Mama wont lull you to sleep,
No, not yet..
Cry out loud tonight,
You have stomachs to feed.

What am I? Part 1

I still remember the day when I told my mother that I want to join advertising industry. She looked at me as if I had said I wanted to start farming in Mars! For her, this was a male dominated place where they could take 'advantage' of an 'innocent girl' like me. God alone knows how far am I from being innocent. But she sighed relief when I said I got a job as an Account Executive. Because she thought I will be handling the accounts - financial part- of the agency. Cool job, eh? 9-5 that too... (that time is still a dream though!)

Six years later ask her what am I at CART? Tat comes her reply - Creative head! My soul jumps out of the body and I go, "WHAT?! Who in the world told you that!" And she innocently says, "when I heard that you suggest names for the brands and write scripts I thought you were one!" Well she atleast knows that such a position like exists.

Over the years I have seen, whenever people have asked me what I do for a living, and when I say I am in advertising, they immediately ask, "what do you do? you make these ads (pointing to the TV)?" I try to hide then, because what if there is an ad that irritates this guy and he holds me responsible for it? Worst is I can't make them understand that I don't exactly make these ads but help people to create them and then sell them. Because they will picture me as a door to door sales person who carries ads in a bag and goes about saying, "Sir/ Madam, take these ads, these are freshly made and will work well for you." And then I really don't have patience to explain, how, why, what etc. happens behind the scene. Imagine if I tell them - I meet the client, take his brief and come to office and share it with my team, while adding my perspective too to it. We crack an idea and finally lay it out creatively! They would have jumped from Rupa to eggs to somethings else!
So I politely say that I am a client manager in an advertising company. Well to think of it now, it might be sounding even weird to these people. They would think 'she' 'manages' 'her clients' for her 'agency'. Something's fishy! Phew!!!

oru aathmavin katha...

Manam kavarnna nombarathin mazhathulli,
Kannin jaalakathil ninnum,
Mannil alinju chernappol...
Hridhayam vingunna rodhanam,
Chundin tumbil ninnum,
Vinnil muzhangiyappol...
Uruki enn ullam,
Ekayay enn aathmavin avashthayil!

Nam Vazhkai

Vanthom,
Sandithom,
Irunthom,
Pesinom,
Nesithom,
Sendrom,
Pirinthom...
Ithu thaan nam vazhkai,
Ippo!

Thirundaanthu janmam

Thirundaanthu janmam,
Irunthum enna prayojanam!
Solla pechchai kelkkaammal,
Ninaithathe saiyyum avan!
Tolviye thaan adangum endru terinthum,
Vedanaiye daanama eykkiraan avan!
Ithu Kadavulin sodhanaya,
Illai, eeyarkkayin dandanaiya?
Vali thaan sugham endraan avan!
Thirundaanthu janmam,
Irunthum enna prayojanam!

Zindagi na milegi dubara...

Aaj tumne dikhaya,
ki jeena kis hunar ko kehtein hain.
Aaj tumne bataya,
ki kal ke chakkar mein kaise hum aaj ko khotein hain.
Shukar hai yeah seekh ab mere man mein hain bhara,
ki jeena hai aaj,
shaayad kal Zindagi na milegi dubara..

The road ahead

I set a foot on winding road
Long and round and unknown
At first step I thought, I guess
I would cross the road without a mess
Now I am caught in a web
Not sure if I am going around or ahead
But I am marching up forward
Not to be the part of the herd
I don’t care if I am unheard
I don’t care if I am round in a circle
Atleast I have done my best
Atleast I am better than the rest.

Lord God...

Forgive me father,
For I have sinned!
You gave me birth,soul, heart,
Ear,nose,tongue, eyes and skin,
Parents, friends and kin.
But now I am calling quit!
You gave me life...
Now you take it!
You sent me on a purpose
And I forgot that in mirth and merry
I know it is preposterous
But I took the road to hell in hurry!

Forgive me father,
For I have strayed!
Like a lamb out of flock,
Into the butcher's shop I have tread!
I know I ignored your warnings and signs,
But who cares for it over the bottles of wine?

You created Eden and planted tree of knowledge,
If that was not meant to be eaten
then why did you have it at all?
Now I have taken the path forbidden
And am on the edge
To reach you, all it will take is one big fall!
But then you gave me this life
Isn't it up to you to make the call?

You would say - "You never thought of me then
Now that you are short of luck you are acting like a chicken!"
But with so many offers for the five senses around
I enjoyed them with meaningful sounds.
Now I am all alone and good for none
Hence this is my plea
I don't want to live, take me back please!

GOD: So what do you want?
Money, wine and pleasure?
You forgot my purpose,
Took easy way to live,
Now trying for easy way out!
You forgot me in your good times,
Now I forsake you in your bad!
Take your time and complete your purpose!
Come home to me then, I will have your way filled with roses!
Till then I am on vacation!

Coffee break!

Hi!

Heyyy!

Have you been waiting for long?

Not much. Just for 20 yrs. Ha ha...

Huh?! Mahesh! Well I am sorry you had to wait, the traffic was horrible.

Hey, that's okay. I have been here only for five minutes now.

You haven't changed a bit. You are still that funny old guy.

Well, what did you expect?

I expected a pot bellied, balding middle aged man. And look at you. At 48 you still look charming.

Ha ha... As always! Even you too look pretty. Yeah you have put on a bit of weight and your hair is greying at the temples but you don't seem to be any different.

Remember this place, when you first took me out? It was a small restaurant. With may be 10 -12 tables? Now this has become one of the hi-fi restaurants in this city.

Yeah, you are right. So what would you like to have?

Arabian coffee.

Wow!

What?

It's the same coffee that you ordered that day.

I know.

Excuse me! One Arabian coffee and one southern Indian Brew, please.

You too ordered the same.

Yeah...

So? Hows your husband?

Deepak? Good. And your wife?

Anitha is fine. She has gone to her native. Kids?

Yeah! Two. Elder one, Mrunal, is 17 and is in twelfth standard, and the younger one, Madhusha, is 12 and is in seventh standard.

Why are you torturing your kids?

What?! What do you mean! How can sending to school be torturous?

Who said anything about school? look at their names. Its difficult than their syllabus!

You incorrigible old man! Stop sniggering! Tell me about your kids.

I have only one daughter, Nisha. 14 yrs old. In school.

I hope she has taken after her mother.

Yeah she has taken after her mother in dumbness.

Come on. Will you ever be serious?

Yes I have been on many occasions.

Tell me the last one!

The day I got married. I was so serious I didn't talk to any one.

God! Ha ha ha ha... Seriously dude... oops... you are too old to be called a dude.

Hey! I am still young okay!

Really?!

Why? You doubt? Look at the women at the other table. They are looking at me.

Yeah, and probably wondering who that cranky old guy is!

They are jealous of you. I can see it in their eyes.

You live in a world of your own, don't you? And why should they be jealous of me? They should have Anitha on their list. Don't you think?

But for now, in their eyes, you are my partner. So you also enjoy.

Yeah right! I am happy to be with Deepak...

Oohh! Good! Oh well the coffee. Have it before it turns cold.

Mmmm... the coffee just tastes nice, like it was that day...

Hmm... Is it the coffee or the company? eh?

I think... both...

So, tell me... How is your life?

Good. Wonderful husband, beautiful kids, nice house and good job.

And you?

What me?

Happy you? You didn't add that with the train of adjectives.

Me... uh... Isn't it understood that if all these things are right then I should be happy.

Hmmm... Yeah. You are correct.

You were trying to hear something else?

Nah... You want to say something else?

Ha ha ha... what is this? Some kind of kids play?

No no. Just thought, I saw something else in your eyes.

Oh... So tell me about your self.

Me? Just like you. Beautiful wife, wonderful kids, dream job and lovely house. What else could I need?

Really Mahesh, never thought that I will meet you here in Mumbai. I mean, I am in Delhi and all our old friends are in different places. This is just a good surprise from fate.

Yes... Even I didn't think that you will be coming down here, even for a day. When you called I was not sure what to do. I mean the only time that we have "officially" went out was 20yrs back. After that I am meeting you today. And then suddenly one day you told me you are getting married. I didn't know how to react to it.

Huh? My news of getting married evoked reaction in you?

I guess so...

What did you feel?

I think I was upset.

Upset?

Yes why are you surprised?

I thought it wouldn't bother you.

Even I had thought so. But that day, somehow..

Why are you smiling?

Nothing... To think about it now, seems funny.

Yeah, I know.

So ever thought of me these twenty years?

You think if I hadn't thought of you I would have called you today to meet?

Good point there. Oh here the bill has come. You have Five rupees with you?

Ha ha ha... I wish I had.

Huh? What's so funny?

Remember that day after the coffee, while paying the bill you asked me to give you change for a five rupees note?

No.. I don't remember. What about it?

I had kept that note with me for long.

And?

I dropped it into the temple box the day my marriage got fixed.

Whoa!

Why that reaction?

I never thought you had feelings for me.

What difference would that have made? You never were serious about relationships.

Who knows, may be if I were given a chance I would have become serious?

Yeah... Yeah...

Well past is past. We have come all this way. Now lets go further... I know it's a lame dialogue.. Ha ha ha... Gather your bags, lets leave. By the way, where is your cab parked?

On the other side of the road.

Okay come. Be careful when you cross the road. Remember you are 46.

Yes...

Why are you smiling?

That day too we had to cross the road and you held my hand tenderly first and then gave it a press. I acted as if I didn't notice.

You are some kind of a woman, do you know that! And all this while I thought you were so innocent!

So here is my cab. Guess it's time to say good bye.

Yeah. Keep in touch.

Don't you think we have been? Else hows is that even after 20 yrs we still share the same chemistry.

Hmmm... But this time lets actually keep in touch. And Priya...one more thing... Your eyes are still the same. Beautiful and always smiling. And the moist in them is just... you know...

Yeah... Bye... Take care.

You too... Sigh!

Your Voice

A soundless creak on my face,
A painless prick in my heart,
A mindless rush in my nerves,
When I hear your voice..

Temptations

Why blame Satan,
when the fruit itself is tempting?
Our minds would have long lost its chastity,
while we are still virgin!
Temptations so many around,
We can hardly resist.
We wait at the threshold,
Watching others, while we salivate.
Gutless, spineless, envious,
Teaching them the 'ways of honest lives'.
While we crave to be them.

Fall of Honour

“We should throw these bastards out of our country! They have spoilt our culture. Our ancestors took pity on them and let them stay. And look what they do. They kill our brethrens; and rape our mothers and sisters! Don’t spare theirs’! Let their entire breed get terrified and not step out of their holes! This country needs your help my brothers, rise to the occasion, heed the call…” blared the recorder on my father-in-law’s desk. This was one of the speeches of his ‘Sanskaar Rakshak Samiti’ who considered themselves to be the saviours of our culture. They believed that India’s future lay in the hands of those sexagenarians and not in their younger generations’.

My five year old son woke up to this daily dose of crap. His grandfather was his idol, hence he considered himself to be a liberator too. I was sick and tired of this. I tried to reason with my father-in-law once. But it fell on deaf ears. That night my husband threw me out of our room for ‘being an ungrateful daughter-in-law’. I quit... Thereafter, I kept my opinions to myself.

Today was a bleak day. It rained incessantly. And the speech gave me creepy goosebumps. At that moment our doorbell rang. I opened it and saw one of those saviours outside, wet and dripping. He introduced himself as Krishnakanth and asked for my father-in-law who had gone to the temple. It was an unsaid rule that his friends were to be treated as family. So I invited him in, offered him dry towel and fresh pair of clothes, and asked if he would like to have something.

I went to the kitchen feeling awkward. No one was at home and I was alone with a stranger. Nevertheless, I started to prepare tea for him. My father-in-law treated his ‘friends’ with special home made cookies. It was in the upper-most shelf where I couldn’t reach. I tried to, but lost the balance and fell. Hearing the commotion, Krishnakanth came running to the kitchen. “Child, are you alright?” he asked from the doorway. I nodded. He came to me, caught my hand, and grabbed at my waist where my sari had come down. I recoiled and pushed him away. He said, “I was trying to help you.” I retorted, “I can manage, thanks!” He moved closer with a wolf like smile saying, “It’s okay, no one will know”. He was almost on me. I had sprained my ankle and couldn’t stand. Yet I dragged myself up and tried to run. He caught me from behind and rubbed his cheek and lips between my neck. I freed myself and ran out. He followed me. But before he could seize me, my father-in-law’s voice drifted in. He shot me a look of warning and went inside as if nothing happened. Smoke was coming from the kitchen. Our house stank of the charcoaled tea. I rushed in forgetting my pain.

My father-in-law walked in, followed by my husband and son, shouting, “What were you doing? Why is there such a mess? Focus on what you do instead of wasting time. What would be our guest thinking? He is the leader of our committee, whose speech we listen to every morning. You will bring disgrace to our family! Parth, control your wife before it’s too late!” saying so, he stomped away. My husband looked at me and shrugged. His eyes telling, “What am I to do with you?” He too walked away, with my son behind him, leaving me alone to fight my insult, injury and tears…